(Content warnings: Eating disorder)

There’s this presence in my body and my mind.
An omnipresent host,  
controlling actions,
an endless well  
of inhuman feats.

And resistance isn’t a choice.
there’s not opting in or out; 
no mute or block function.   
No exceptions to the rules.
It took up shop one day,
The Fat Controller

literally controlling  
the fat on my body.
Creating a prison within an ever-shrinking space,
a world that is not of my own making,
yet is mine.

By a twist of the knife I’ve ended up here
With my permission slip revoked,
relegated to the sidelines.

My self plunged into a place with no windows;
the edges sewn shut
And my mind riddled with the mission to quell life,
if not to extinguish it.

And so, The Fat Controller holds his post,
as he has for the past twelve years.
Outliving efforts to unseat him
Forever ready to take what he deems rightfully his;
my body
my mind
and the possibility
of a peaceful life.

︎Franklin is a 2nd year Journalism/Int Studies student who has a penchant for podcasts, believes in the liberal use of the semicolon, and hopes to one day document her struggles with complex mental illnesses under her real name.︎